Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Lee Jun Heng, Kelvin. I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic with a Diploma in Chemical and Green Technology in 2014 and is currently pursing a Degree in Telematics at Singapore Institute of Technology.
Before coming back to studies, I was exposed to radio communications from vehicles to vehicles as part of the mandatory National Service. That plays a part in why I have decided to choose this course. Also, finding new ways to improve the communcation between vehicles will be a great contribution to the community as it would help improve the efficiency and the reliability.
My weakness in communcation is the fear inside of me when presenting to a large crowd. I will tend to veer off from topic and start to blabber nonsense which will confuse the crowd. In addition, I will also tend to stutter and make long pauses in between speeches as i would think that they would not understand what i wanted to express. Some would consider this as a weakness but for me it would be my strength in communicating, gestures. Gestures helps me to feel more confident in speaking as it makes me feel big.
Communication is important as it conveys the message to the audience and you do not want anyone ending up with the wrong idea. With the guidance from this course, I would like to improve on my communication skills and also my writing skills.
Thank you for taking the time to allow me to introduce myself. I hope we have a great journey together in this module.
Yours Sincerely,
Lee Jun Heng, Kelvin
Hey Kelvin,
ReplyDeleteI'd like you to solicit some comments from your blogging group before I add my own.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Kelvin,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your sharing in this open letter. It is fairly informative, and generally clear and concise. I would have liked to know a bit more about your interest beyond school, but it's good that you shared the connection between your national service job and your interest in telematics.
In terms of your strength and weaknesses, you elaborate quite clearly. I thought it was interesting that you feel big when you use gestures.
In terms of weaknesses in this letter, here are some problem areas to consider:
1. verb tense
-- In addition, I will also tend to stutter and make long pauses in between speeches as i would think that they would not understand what i wanted to express. >>> (inconsistent tense usage)
--
2. sentence structure
-- Some would consider this as a weakness but for me it would be my strength in communicating, gestures. >>> (This seems conversational. It isn't a well presented sentence in terms of the transition from the previous idea to this one.)
3. incorrect pronoun
-- Gestures helps me to feel more confident in speaking as it makes me feel big. Gestures helps me to feel more confident in speaking as THEY make me feel big.
4. There is also some sloppy lack of capital letter where they need to be.
Our journey in the module might as wll include revising this letter to make it more correct in terms of language and impactful in allowing us to see what makes you special.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for taking your time to read about a brief introduction of myself. I appreciate the effort you took in helping me to identify the areas I need to improve on. With the help of your constructive feedback, hopefully my next draft would give my readers a better experience in reading it and knowing more about me.
Regards,
Lee Jun Heng Kelvin